Tuesday, 11 March 2014

At last


Well I was doing really well until I was admitted into hospital on Sunday! :( 
Nearly 4 months until I was last in my second home. This time, I can safely say it wasn't for my kidneys though YAY! to be honest, I'd much rather it would have been. I'm not going to put too much info as it's quite personal, but basically I got diagnosed with polycystic ovaries! not fun at all! Girls would understand more. I take back all those times I complained that nothing was working! Soooo much pain :'(

What else is happening? 
I'm now back on the transplant waiting list :) things are being discussed regarding Josh (my donor) So hopefully, with any luck, we will have a date soon.. nothing to stop it from going ahead anymore. I'm absolutely petrified! So scary to think that this time next year, in a couple of months in fact, that all this can be over and I will have my life back. I cannot wait to start living my life again. Going to try do as much as I can before time runs out again!  

I'm struggling to come to terms with my new weight. I have tried to put on more weight but nothing seems to work. I had all sorts of build up drinks and powders from my dietitian but nothing worked. I never had an issue with the way I looked before, but since loosing all this weight, I now have a problem with it. I feel kinda selfish because I know there a lot of girls who wish they could loose weight and be this size and whatever but I don't know why anyone would be skin and bones..it's not very attractive. Hopefully by summer I will have my old body back :)  

Things are really well for me at the moment. Started my antidepressants again, and it's good to have that extra boost. I've actually been feeling happy again. It's good to have that back in my life right now. Things at home are slowly improving. I'm now back to work, only doing limited hours though. My Grandad is doing really well too :) His foot is slowly getting better, and hopefully he will be up and walking about more soon. I am a little bit worried about my Nan though. As she is having to look after my Grandad and herself. She is very stubborn and doesn't ask for help, so I am quite worried she may push herself :( Love them to bits, wish I could do more to help out. 

As most of you are aware I now have a boyfriend.. not really sure why or how but a friend told me to stop running away from my feelings and to start putting a little trust into someone again. That's when Martin came along. He hasn't once given me a reason not to give him a chance and its been a few months now so we are now official. Still can't really bring myself to terms with it. Everything that I have been running from I've now gone running into? I'm excited to see what happens, he's such an amazing person. I'm just too worried I'm gonna end up messing it all up like I usually do. Eugh. I think I think too much, I need to just let it happen. But I do need to be sensible because I don't want either of us getting in too deep and one of or both of us end up getting hurt. Can't help but still have stupid nagging thought in the back of my mind though. SIGH!

Thank you all for all your support and reading all my rubbish :) 
Until next time <3