Thursday, 17 January 2013

A little glimpse of hope

This month has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride! It hasn't even ended yet..

So I had a donor be tested and he is a match!! It's fantastic news! I'm so grateful that he went through all the testing and is still here wanting to go ahead with the operation! I couldn't be any happier! I am however really scared about it all. It's such a HUGE step to take, not just for me, for him too. I don't want my body to reject the kidney. I know the hospital would do all the testing and everything but still. I just don't want the donor to go through all of this to have the kidney last me a year or something silly. I'd feel absolutely gutted that he's gone through all that for no reason :/ I don't know. I just feel like its a lot to take from someone. Even though, he'd be giving me my life back, there is just no way I could ever repay them..

I had my PD tube removed at the beginning of the month, I'm recovering well but just still have no energy to do anything. It's soooo nice having my tummy back! being able to have a proper bath and not having to worry about my tube! i'm not less at risk of getting an infection and whats better..I can go swimming!! I cannot wait to get my energy back and start getting back to normal.

The last week has been the worst. My Grandad who is 71 next month had a heart attack. He went into cardiac arrest and he was even gone for a few minutes. If it wasn't for the police being at the station that day, well I don't know what would of happened. I wouldn't like to think about it.. The police did all they could, but had to shock him to get his heart beating again. Luckily! It was horrible that day. I was still in hospital, my mum rung me and told me and I just broke down into tears. I love my Grandad more than anything. He's been the only guy in my life that I've ever trusted. The closest I ever had to a dad. He's the one I grew up with. Always loved being at my grand parents. Spent the day just on his bed playing cards, dominoes, chalking on the chalkboard, drawing him pictures. He always spoilt me, always took me to the shop to get me an apple and a pot of rice pudding, cause i just love rice pudding haha. Almost loosing him just absolutely shocked me. I don't know how i'm going to ever take it when I eventually have to say goodbye. I'm hoping that wont happen for a very very long time, but no-one lives forever unfortunately. I just hope he is out of hospital soon so I can spend everyday from no on treasuring the days that we do have left.

I went back to work yesterday and i could barely do 2 hours :( I feel so bad! but I need to focus on my health. They have been so understanding though so it's been such a stress relieve. I don't really know what i'm going to do about work. I don't think I'm going to be able to manage it all. I have to keep an eye on my potassium levels now that i'm on hemo-dialysis, If it gets too high I get very weak and i'm at risk of having a heart attack! I'ts very scary, but I really want to start thinking about what i can do to be that little bit more healthy. So, no more chocolate and no more orange juice for me! kinda sucks but its for the best.

Other than that, there really isn't that much to blog about. I'm still very interested in going traveling. I think though I just want to take holidays to different locations. I don't think it will be good that I go away for ages just in case something goes wrong with my health. So holidays it may have to be. I have looked into maybe working on a cruise ship.. If I just work at the pub and get to know my drinks, get trained up and get experience behind me. I don't see why I couldn't do bar work on the ship and travel the world, It would be amazing!