Tuesday, 2 October 2012


Tomorrow I have my operation to have my fistula put into my arm so I can start hemo-dialysis. I'm sooo scared! a thousand things keep going through my mind. Do I really want this? What if this? What if that? I'm driving myself crazy!! I haven't slept for days :( Today, has been the worst day, I swear. Today at work, I was just feeling so bummed out. Wasn't myself at all! Just felt so lost and just hated for being in my own world. I tried so hard to keep my mind of it all and keep a smile on my face but it just wasn't working. I can't remember the last time I felt so down. I really do hate it. I don't want to go back down that road, where i'm just so unhappy all the time!

I created a page on facebook 'Save Claire' a few people said that they had no idea I was on Dialysis, and things were that bad!! one person said ' You play it so cool, no one would ever know, how do you manage? I'd be a mess ' Kinda made me think, Is that a good or bad thing? Last two years, I'm pretty sure I've just been a mess! Just haven't coped at all. Just been so lost and so upset about it all. I just kinda had to get on with it though and I just learnt to live with it. There's nothing I can do about the situation, other than get on with it :s 

It's so good that I have such close friends standing by me though. One of my closest friends said ' Your an inspiration huni and I love you!! You still manage every day with such a smile and enthusiasm for life, people can learn alot from you! Don't ever change girl your amazing!! X '  It's the most amazing thing I've had someone say to me through all this. It's because of my friends and family that I just haven't given up. For that I am so thankful! I just don't know if I would of ever got this far without them <3

1 comment:

  1. I hope your operation goes well and you are able to recover quickly. I am reminded of my own operation on Oct 4 2010 I was like you I didn't know what the future held for me and I was scared too! but I am two year on and life is sweet I am now swimming three miles a week and living a new life I thought I never would. I hope soon you will be too, stay strong all my best wishes