Saturday, 20 October 2012

The right path..

so I haven't written a post since before my op, which was over 2 weeks ago now! Been so busy!

Operation went well, I now have a permanent vibrating hand which is rather annoying when I'm trying to sleep! But so awesome seeing people's reaction when they touch it! Brilliant! You can also hear the blood passing through which is pretty awesome! I so can't wait to start my other treatment! Can't wait to get my life back and not have to worry about getting home for a certain time. I can go to festivals and actually stay at a mates!! Ahh. Can't wait!!

Now that I've had two weeks off work, I just don't want to be going back! I mean I need the money and all but I'm not sure how I'm gonna be with my new 'spasticated hand' I can still barely use it lol. Will just have to try and find a way around it I guess.
I've been working in the pub as that doesn't exactly involve much. I love pub work atm, I'm hoping by the new year I'll be getting the drinks right and then maybe look into working in a bigger pub? Maybe pack co-op in and just have 2 pub jobs. We shall see where the future takes me!!

I have finalllyyy had some good news! I applied for support ages ago when I started dialysis (2years ago). I wasn't able to work and was having no income. Took 7 months for them toss pots to make a decision, apparently I was well enough to work -.- not sure how they came to that conclusion but yeah! I took it to court and won the appeal so I'm finally gonna have what I'm owed! I'm nearly out of debt so that money will help go towards a car! I'm so desperately in need of a car ! Gonna start up my lessons again soon and start studying for my theory! Maybe get it done for my bday! can't wait!

Eugh, 23!? I don't wanna be 23 :( it sucks! I'm gonna remain a big kid forever!! I do plan on finding Peter pan and running away to neverland! I mean, I'm obsessed with spongebob! I love trigger! I still get excited over a Disney movie and still get happy meals in macdonalds lol give me a kinder egg and I'll sit there playing with the toys!! I mean I'm such a huge kid lol I'm never growing up :) I should grow up really, but who wants to grow up and act mature? Not me!! Lol

So yeah, that's another post over with, until next time..

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

Thank You!

I Just want to make a post for all of those that have stood by me through my health! 

Without them I just literally wouldn't be here. Thank you soooo much for helping through my darkest times, for always being there when I've needed you. It's meant so bloody much to me. You all have no idea just how thankful I am. You guys are the reason why I'm still living, without all my friends and family I just wouldn't of been able to cope. So Thank you to everyone <3 


Tomorrow I have my operation to have my fistula put into my arm so I can start hemo-dialysis. I'm sooo scared! a thousand things keep going through my mind. Do I really want this? What if this? What if that? I'm driving myself crazy!! I haven't slept for days :( Today, has been the worst day, I swear. Today at work, I was just feeling so bummed out. Wasn't myself at all! Just felt so lost and just hated for being in my own world. I tried so hard to keep my mind of it all and keep a smile on my face but it just wasn't working. I can't remember the last time I felt so down. I really do hate it. I don't want to go back down that road, where i'm just so unhappy all the time!

I created a page on facebook 'Save Claire' a few people said that they had no idea I was on Dialysis, and things were that bad!! one person said ' You play it so cool, no one would ever know, how do you manage? I'd be a mess ' Kinda made me think, Is that a good or bad thing? Last two years, I'm pretty sure I've just been a mess! Just haven't coped at all. Just been so lost and so upset about it all. I just kinda had to get on with it though and I just learnt to live with it. There's nothing I can do about the situation, other than get on with it :s 

It's so good that I have such close friends standing by me though. One of my closest friends said ' Your an inspiration huni and I love you!! You still manage every day with such a smile and enthusiasm for life, people can learn alot from you! Don't ever change girl your amazing!! X '  It's the most amazing thing I've had someone say to me through all this. It's because of my friends and family that I just haven't given up. For that I am so thankful! I just don't know if I would of ever got this far without them <3