Saturday, 14 January 2012

Back at square one

September 24th 2011

So I haven't blogged recently. I haven't had much to say.. Haven't done much. I started work again which is going well. Haven't had many hours yet but will be soon. I've handed in my CV to other places as I really need another part time job. Really want to get my debt cleared and pay back my bf what he's lent me. Once that's done - I can finally buy some new clothes because I am in DESPERATE need of clothes. Then I really want to do a home study course. As i'm not getting my employment and support money yet I cant apply for financial support so looks like I've got to wait until next year when it starts again :( In the mean time i'm looking into driving! desperately need a car. So I have a lot of things that I want to achieve but i just need the money to do so.
I'm getting a little bit fed up with being held back with everything. I just want to live my live and do something with my life. Everyone else in my year are either back from uni and doing really well for themselves or they are in a good job and getting on with life. I'm so fed up that I have to always consider dialysis, I'm stuck hooked up on bags half the day and it really sucks! No one actually understands how much this actually affects my life. No one bothers to ask me how it's all going, how I am and if I need extra support. Just left me to do it by myself.

My mother is doing my head in! nothing changed there! She's always arguing with her partner and always letting my brother and sister get away with anything! She caught my brother smoking and he gets grounded.. He hardly goes out because he'd rather be stuck on his xbox 24/7, so he gets grounded which isn't really a punishment because he still has his xbox. Next day, he's allowed back out! WTF!? If that were me at that age I would of been grounded for life and punished! She doesn't exactly do much about it. She hasn't sat them down and said 'This is what smoking does to you.. These are the risks..ect' Just lets them get on with it and learn the hard way. She wont stand up and be a mother! She complains about cooking, which isn't that meant to be her job? to feed her family? She doesn't do anything other then sit at the computer and play her facebook games. Oh and takes 3 hours out by working at the local school. I'm not that close with my mum anymore. Not since I've started dialysis. I think she could be pregnant too which would SUCK! She can barely afford to keep up with the bills, barely afford to put food in the cupboards. She's getting eviction letters every other month. Argues with her partner, doesn't trust him. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU HAVE A KID?!?! I hate her! - What she doesn't know is that if she is pregnant, she looses her daughter! I've had enough! I don't want extra stress in the house, I don't need a screaming kid around. no food nothing! - That is probably sounding selfish to most of you, but trust me, with the amount of stress already in the house, doesn't need to be any more. I'm moving out, going to go live with my dad for a bit until cab help me out with a house.


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